Last Friday, exactly one week from the launch of my book, I fell into a dark hole. What I mean is, at 7 PM, I found myself staring blankly into the glowing screen of my iPhone begging for prayers from my friends.
It was dark in here. I felt completely void of any ability to do anything, I wanted to crawl into a cave, roll a stone in front, and hibernate for a long time.
I sent out an S.O.S for prayers and my friends did not disappoint. Within minutes the messages were rolling in, encouraging me, cheering me on, prayers being offered up on my behalf. I wept as I read their encouraging words. Though the exhaustion weighed heavy on me, my heart was encouraged and strengthened by the truths these women proclaimed over my life.
Just before bed that night, I opened an email from my pal, Deidra. God used her words to speak to me. Her post Friday was an experience she had while on her recent trip skiing in Colorado. At one point, as Deidra tells it, “the mountain got in her head”. As soon as I read her words, I knew that is exactly what had happened to me Friday. The “mountain” (this book launch) totally got in my head and talked a heap of trash to me–and I started to believe it.
I made my way over to Diedra’s blog to thank her in her comment box and turned in for the night with the prayers of my friends and Deidra’s words swirling in my head.
Sunday morning I woke up with “Climb Every Mountain” playing on repeat in my brain. If you don’t know, that song is from the musical, The Sound of Music , which I have seen no less than 50 times in my life.
I’m the daughter of a Drama teacher. I cut my teeth to the music of various Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals. My Mom is a huge fan of Julie Andrews, and while I know the song by heart, it did strike me as odd that it was in my head, since I haven’t watched the movie on over a year.
Halfway through getting ready for church it hit me, Deidra’s post was about not letting the mountain get inside you and shake you up. Her words were about staying the course and not quitting when the voices of fear and defeat start slamming your dreams–or God’s dreams for you. In that beautiful scene of the film, when Mother Abess belts out the words:
Climb every mountain, ford every stream,
follow every rainbow,
’till you find your dream,
a dream that will need,
all the love you can give,
everyday of your life, for as long as you live …
She encourages Julie Andrews Character, Maria, to go out into the world and pursue her dreams. This was the message God wanted me to hear. Letting the dream mess with our heads sets us up for a fall. Our knees knock and we shift unsteady as we face the various “what if’s”. Chasing a God-sized dream is hard work, to be taken seriously, and the only way to make that journey is on our knees. The whole concept of a God-sized dream is not the actual size of the dream, but the fact that these dreams are not things we can accomplish apart from Christ.
In order to live out the God-sized dream, we have to climb the mountain, not let it rattle our cage. We have to keep pushing onward and upward after that rainbow that is the glory of a life lived in obedience. Living the God sized dreams is about following the Living Water wherever He leads, through whatever canyons and valleys, up whatever mountains we may be called to along the way.
As for me, I would seek God, and to God would I commit my cause, who does great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number: Job 5:8-9
I thank God for the way He used my dream-team and Deidra to speak wisdom to me in a hour of utter weakness.
What’s messing with your dream these days?
What are you doing get focused on the mission God has given you?