I knew it, as I sat there in Panera, with my ear buds stuffed in my ears, and Holley Gerth’s book in front of me, that this would be a challenging year. When you’re praying about your one word, and you hear a word like this one–heal, it comes as a promise that the burn is coming–this is the smoke signal from heaven.
So far I’ve done a good job of avoiding God on this. But my guard is coming down and I’m starting to slip. I feel His love seeping in through my cracks. Why fight against what will ultimately be for the best? What harm is there in healing?
It’s not the result I fear, it’s the process.
I bled a lot last year, and some of you hold those words in your hands and on your screens and when I think too long about it, I want to disappear.
I find myself tracing these cracks with my fingertips again. I’ve discovered a few new ones, spreading like spiderwebs across a a life that wrestles constantly between really living redeemed and doing the things I don’t want to do. The old parts linger and I die small deaths daily in an effort to finally shake free of the past.
I know in Christ I’m whole, at least, I’m wholly His, but this Lenten season finds me on my knees again, processing the broken bits, sifting through rubble and letting Him bind wounds.
Insecurity, fear, worry–they linger too long, these unwanted companions full of nothing but bad advice and condemnation.
I read Psalm 73 and find comfort in the words:
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
I have to stockpile truth in my heart and ready myself daily for combat, as their fire lie-grenades straight into my soft spots. I can’t afford to let my guard down.
Some days I don’t have the energy to keep it up.
The Spirit intercedes and for His mercy, I am grateful. Going deeper into Christ is so much harder than I imagined.
I see so much brokenness before me. But I know this isn’t the end.
I believe in the resurrection of the dead.
My friend Annie shares her thoughts on brokenness through her latest collection, which is titled, Studies In Brokenness and you can see it HERE in her shop on Etsy. (And can I say that my print arrived yesterday and it’s stunning. The photo doesn’t even do it justice–it’s really, really beautiful.) She’s kindly offered to give away ONE print from her shop, to one of you. Leave a comment to enter. For every tweet/facebook share, you gain another entry (but be sure to leave a comment for each entry.)
How will you ever choose?
*This giveaway closes Friday, March 1. Winner will be announced Monday, March 3rd Open to U.S. residents only. Newsletter subscribers are automatically entered in all giveaways here, if you haven’t signed up, now’s a good time–you can do that HERE.